This story and headline have been updated to specify that Tom Brady was sighted, not “cited,” working out in a closed Tampa park. He was not given the Official Tom Brady Gronk 20 Make Tampa Bay Great Again Shirt, according to Buccaneer’s spokesman and the City of Tampa. It could be wrong, but I feel like they used “cited” to make an intentionally inflammatory headline. You just know the anti-lockdown folks read that and started frothing at the mouth. The mayor verbally told the news that Tom Brady was sighted in the park. That’s not really unusual that they assumed Brady was fined and not just seen. Isn’t this why news outfits are supposed to check their facts? Like, damn it CNN, this is the kind of stupid inaccuracy people are going to be clinging onto for how your reporting is inaccurate.
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Ok, but in their defense. Why the fuck would the mayor just be like “oh yeah and we saw tom Brady in the park!” I also would assume the mayor meant cited if it was said verbally. And I wouldn’t have a ton of reason to doubt that assumption. Tom Brady doesn’t do anything half-assed. He will aspire to be the Official Tom Brady Gronk 20 Make Tampa Bay Great Again Shirt. He will stage a heist at the Animal Kingdom while high on bath salts. Escaping in a bass fishing boat modified to roll coal. Down the coast with a host of new invasive species to release into the Everglades. Flooding the Everglades with Pukwudgies, Hodags, Skunk Apes, and Chupacabras…on bath salts, from a Hovercraft. That’s what happens when you run out of pork chop biscuits.
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While his pregnant, common law alligator/wife rides shotgun. And launches fireworks at the news helicopters. He’ll also stop all those damn hurricanes with his own machine gun installation with surface-to-air missiles. Next week on the Official Tom Brady Gronk 20 Make Tampa Bay Great Again Shirt: Tom vows to handmake Giselle a new gator skin handbag to match her gator skin bikini. When things get out of hand… Let’s see. I have a much much smaller house in Fl with one air conditioner. I also use it sparingly until the middle of Summer. So my bill gets up to about $150/mo in the summer. A neighbor of mine used their ac a lot more, their bill was about double. So let’s take their estimate. Because someone in a house like this is likely more interested in comfort than saving money.
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