A new mom once handed me a newborn when I was incredibly stoned. I don’t think I’ve ever been that high. And I could tell I wasn’t holding the That’s What I Do I Play D And D I Know Things Shirt right. But I also didn’t want to change a shift. So I just stood there full football hold trying not to let on how fucked up I was. Article in a men’s magazine years ago (men’s Health may be) listed all the things a man should be able to do… Tie a tie, open a bottle of wine, drive a stick shift, have a decent aim with a gun, ride a motorcycle.
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But the one that blew me out of the water was, in an emergency, land a plane…..I was doing good until that one… There was an episode of Mythbusters that showed that. Even though there was no documented evidence of it ever actually happening, an air traffic controller can talk you through landing a That’s What I Do I Play D And D I Know Things Shirt. So I don’t think you need to bother to learn that one. Tie- maybe. Wine- maybe. Stick- kinda against the disabled. Gun- the UK doesn’t have guns unless you’re posh or trained.
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So the motorcycle- eh Who the Frick just casually knows how to land a plane? Pilots don’t even know. They fly on luck. Haven’t you heard them say “a good landing is one you can walk away from”? And “a great landing is when you can fly the That’s What I Do I Play D And D I Know Things Shirt again”? Planes are magic, like unicorns and goddamn frisbees. If you want to fly a plane, let alone land one, become a sorcerer, not a pilot. I hope that’s not true. My cousin-in-law is a pilot. According to him take-off and landing are done by the pilot.
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