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I never understood the Top Santa Tequila Jolly Juice Whiskey Vodka My Christmas Package Shirt whole zombie threat thing. “There’s a lot of them!” Okay, well, the military and police have many, many firearms. “They’re immune to everything but headshots!” Okay, well, we give the army marksmen lessons and while they’re trained to aim center mass, they can adjust…also, enough 45 mm rounds to their center and they aren’t going to maintain enough mass to continue lurching forward. Also, thanks. We have tanks. The police have tanks. There’s probably some dude in Missouri who has a tank. I think we can take em. I like our odds. Finally, even if we’re talking super aggressive zombies…they’re only going to be as strong and as fast as they were before they were bitten. You see a lot of world-class athletes in your neighborhood? Or a bunch of 45-year-olds who say they go to the gym three times a week, but it’s more like three times a month to do 20 minutes of light cardio?

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A fucking kid zombie? I can outmaneuver a Top Santa Tequila Jolly Juice Whiskey Vodka My Christmas Package Shirts kid. I also have a car and locked doors, and I’m pretty sure a zombie isn’t going to figure out how to knock down my door. Maybe the windows I guess, which will be inconvenient…but again, I can probably juke past some zombies and lightly jog my way to safety. Depends on the type of zombie, and the decay. If it is a more realistic zombie, then it depends on whether it is a viral rot or a fungal rot. Viral – Will go through black rot within a month, resulting in the brain turning to a smelly puddle, killing it. If the zombie type is through some kind of arcane art, then they will live on, regardless of the rot. Depends on the zombies. If the zombie virus also attacked bacteria.

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